This is the second part on my observations while traveling around Asia this past summer. Part one covers things I noticed about Hong Kong (and a few about Southeast Asia). This part is on changing relationships with a city over time.  

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Five years ago, I got into a heated debate with a friend about whether or not Singapore was one of the best cities in the world. I had been back living in the US for a little over a year and a half and, with a fierce conviction, defended the place I called home for almost three years. I even had a 9-point argument about why Singapore defied all its stereotypes to be one of the most innovative, impressive, and interesting cities in the world. 

But when I went back in 2023, 5 years after I had left, it made me second guess my argument. The new buildings and restored world heritage sites that had once impressed me felt stale. The food scene and fusion of east and west art and design that I once had a grateful wonder for now only stirred resigned acceptance that maybe Singapore wasn’t as great as I remembered. Was Singapore on a decline? Or had I changed, along with my expectations and preferences? 

My conclusion now after having gone back to Asia 10+ times since I left is that perhaps living and revisiting cities is a lot like dating. When I first moved to Singapore, it felt like the start of a new relationship. I had a curiosity to learn and say yes to everything. I spent my weeknights and weekends uncovering hidden secrets and forming new memories. Everything felt new and exciting compared to the predictable sameness of everywhere I had already lived and seen before. 

When I moved away, just like the end of a relationship, I treasured the memories and appreciated the ways it grew and stretched me. I acknowledged that there would be things that I’d miss but that there was also the relief of not needing to deal with certain things anymore, like the excessive humidity. But most of all, just like being on the cusp of starting a new relationship, I was excited for my next chapter in my next city. 

Likewise, revisiting a city was like seeing an ex again. I was curious about what had changed since we were last together. Some cities, just like certain ex’s, sparked nostalgia and even some yearning. New York and Hong Kong do this to me every time. As soon as I go through the Holland Tunnel and pop up in the West Village or whenever I walk down the streets near Lan Kwai Fong, I feel the electricity, and I’m 20 years old again.

For the first time, a city sparked confusion, self-doubt, and even a little embarrassment. As I wandered around Singapore, I kept asking myself, did I really think this was that great before? Or even the occasional, why was I ever into this in the first place? It was like looking at my old prom photos and questioning my bangs. 

But then I realized, just like all relationships, whether good or bad, they were necessary to bring me to where I am today. There was something I needed when I was 23, and Singapore was exactly it. It was a place to be myself brand new, untethered. It was an opportunity to explore all of Asia. And when I no longer needed that, I packed my bags to find what’s next. 

As someone who has now lived, worked, and studied in 5 countries and 9 cities across Asia, the US, and the UK, I’m still not sure if I’ll ever truly “settle down” in one place. But I do know that I’m excited to keep revisiting all the places I loved before, and perhaps find a new place to fall in love all over again.