Since 2015, I have been documenting all my “Big Thoughts” in a giant Moleskine I call my Big Notebook. I use it whenever I want to capture something “big” — key moments, learnings, and occasionally favorite essays or quotes. 

I also have a ritual to write in my Big Notebook on both my birthday and the new year. Each year on my birthday, I write what I call a “vignette,” a short personal essay that captures my state of mind and life and a reflection of the age I’m turning. In the new year, I write out lessons I learned from the previous year. Since 2016, I have written 34 learnings, averaging about 4 “big” learnings a year. 

Below I’ve selected 10 learnings (and 1 honorary mention) that are the most unique or most powerful. These are learnings I’ve left unedited and that I wrote for no one but myself. They’re my honest takeaways from the year, a way for me to try to imprint a lesson, a way of living, or a belief in my mind. Every few months, I go back and revisit my learnings to guide and refocus me. I hope both introducing this practice to you as well as my actual learnings can help you, as well. 

2024

1. Build the community, and let it compound. Recognize the power of reaping rewards after a few years of careful and optimistic effort, step-by-step. Revel in what’s possible when you finally have a community built, when you plant a lot of little seeds, wait, and then see the opportunities grow and multiply.

2023 

2. Marriage is ever-changing. We are not static; neither is marriage. It is not a moment in time that guarantees commitment and unwavering support for the rest of your life. It is an invitation to show up everyday to give, listen, and love the best way you can. 
3. Say what you want. Stop suggesting your wants in the form of a question. Articulate it. State how you really feel or your actual preference, but be aware of emotional tyranny, and recognize if the other party has the capacity to give you what you need. 

2022

4. What’s the worst that can happen? Take the risk to show up because what do you have to lose? You’ll never know what doors will open when you simply try and put yourself out there. The upside is so high, so don’t fear.

2021

5. Unlearn the unhelpful. Oftentimes, the agents that helped you initially be successful are the same ones that can be your counterproductive forces. Hyper achieving, perfectionism–acknowledge when they’re at play, and send them home. Unlearn how they trained you, so you can rise and succeed without them. 

2020 

6. Choices are a tolerance of risk. Each choice we make is a testament to how much risk we’re willing to accept and the consequences that may come. Careers are a series of these choices, and the willingness to try is all that’s needed. To move forward and beyond always outweighs not moving at all. 

2019

7. Achievements can vary in value. Not all wins can be quantified, and credit is due especially when it can’t. Achievements carry weight differently for different people, and that’s derived wholly based on what you value for yourself. 

2018

8. Growing up is regulating your emotions. Realizing that each stage of maturity is improving one’s sense of self. Why do you feel a certain way? What caused that? Pit it against what’s relative. You grow up when you no longer feel bothered by something because of what’s relative. What bothered you in high school didn’t bother you in college, and the same after your first job. Each stage is the same thereafter. Experiencing more helps regulate more. It’s just more mileage, as Paul would say. 

2017

9. Take responsibility where it matters. Responsibility is a combination of selflessness and dedication toward achieving a goal. Take responsibility for your family, and care for others. It’s an instance of taking initiative, thinking actively and critically on the situation, and providing solutions. Your family unit is the most important company you’ll ever join and the one you should be most invested in.

2016

10. Do fewer things better. Time is finite, but you’ll always make time for what matters. If you’re able to clearly chart out your three things, protect the core, and let all else fall, only then can you declare victory well and move on to the next core.

Honorary mention 

2017

11. Moving target goals are dangerous. “When I get or do X” is a recipe for never being satisfied because your “X” will change in relation to others. So avoid conditional happiness, and be happy with the present set goals. But do not rely on achievement to earn your peace. Today and every day deserves peace if you allow it.